Yes, that message sounds a bit hokie to my own ears, but then I was never that endeared by terms with the word “Light” in them either. After all, Crusifictions and grumpy Gurus and things of that nature used to come to mind, but regardless, it came about for me on the evening of Sunday June 29, 2014.
At 7:20 PM I ingested a combination of ground up, root bark from an invasive tree and some magical plant seeds, that apparently grow a beanstalk to heaven, to send myself into what would be my ninth Ayahuasca Journey. This would also be my eighth SOLO Journey, meaning no one wearing a Shaman hat for my perceived guidance and comfort ,and no one standing by as a sitter should I need to rant about my journey as it’s happening. This would also be my very first, courageously braved Journey without Music, which also acts as a guide. (You can read below for more information about what happened leading up to this Journey).
So… yes, I did say Power of the Light, and I did say Controller of the Dimmer on the Light switch.
How I love dimmer switches! They are like magic! A dimmer switch makes a room vibrant, full of options vs turning it all the way down and feeling uncomfortable as choices become limited and you might even have to grope about to find your way, perhaps in fear.
Well, it was clearly shown to me, how “the dimmer switch of life” was under my control. In this journey, I had become my own guide.
The early part of this Journey began with my turning music on and off, feeling irritated by one song, changing to another, and trying to make peace without using it while turning it off again and on again.
Getting comfortable about trusting the Journey without music, was a new challenge for me. Feeling the normal agitation that comes up, the uncertainty, and allowing myself to turn music on, is soothing. So, I turned it on, if but temporarily. Committing to doing what felt best in each moment with the anticipation of being comfortable enough to turn it off at some point soon for a different kind of journey.
As the feeling the dizziness came on along with an intensity of body sensations so did the beginning of the sense of losing oneself.
While waiting impatiently with an eye-pillow to black out my eye-sight, interesting body blips happened! The kind where your limb moves but you didn’t do it. As energy moved in my body, I liked it and felt more comfortable. So I turned the music off.
Now, a few minutes later I didn’t like the fear that then arose with a visual that the floor would open up and I would disappear as I am swallowed by a black hole! Eeek, I turned the music back on!
Apprehension was more noticeable because with no music to distract me or guide me away from my own thoughts the feeling shows in the form of beginning visuals (thus the black hole). I set the intention to allow that to just be ok and to trust the process. Reminding that whatever happens will be right. I was hoping in the back of my moment of cowardly consciousness, that nothing will happen and I’ll have a dud Journey. No expectations, no resistance. I Surrender to the process. Those are always helpful statements during a Journey. Black holes could even be very cool to experience, right? Ah, feeling better, I turned the music off. This is one example of the way we shift our thoughts to change the experience of a Journey and how we need to apply that to real every day life.
Next came the dependable and valuable indicator of that feeling of nausea from the merging of dark energies with the plant medicine. As it came on it synchronized with the co-insiding deeper unconscious awareness of a belief and thought lurking in my psyche and will soon be unveiled. Showing me “what makes me nauseous” on emotional and mental levels. This idea can be difficult to grasp, but it’s quite obvious once you begin to experience the Journeys. You won’t be purging just semi-digested bark pulp and seeds.
The sense of darkness in and around me became a pervasive oppression, casually drifting and moving about and around me. It feels really yucky. I’m saying, it is so disgusting, just so you know. To see it and feel it in this way is dreadful enough that it MUST to be acknowledged. In every day life we habitually operate without needing to acknowledge the same energies that are forced upwards and make us sick in a Journey. Perhaps we are judging something that irritates us in ourself or others, but we do not have the obvious awareness from the heightened sensations that we can feel it in our body and the visuals we can see during a Journey.
The moment of awareness there is Acknowledgement of it, allows it to Expand, and thus the state necessary to purge arises and becomes greater and greater. Pushing something away that is a deeply held limiting belief, will keep a nauseous feeling active without purging. It is best to ask for clarity so it can be released.
My thoughts that drifted, were played back for me, it was only moments later when I noticed how just ONE word, I won’t tell you the word because I want you to imagine your own word, and it could require more explanation, but that ONE word would cause the darkness to darken even more.
Aha! I thought, there we go…I was aware of this darkening of energy and then it was time to steer it, or so I thought. Steering that word, into a different belief wasn’t working, it was too far from the truth I had experienced in the past, and created. I tried a different word, and that had yet another problem belief, the energy darkened yet again. In fact I was firmly showing me how stubbornly I perceived those two three letter nouns and the dark energy continued to pervaded me.
“We must take care in the Spells we weave with our thoughts and words. It is our “Spell-ing”.
I became more nauseous. I decided to give up on changing it, and in that moment, of letting go, hindered emotions surfaced, desires that were unaware became found and to the surface tears came.
I was blown-away at the clarification and confirmation, as I let go!
I was able to percieve the awareness of my vibration shifting (tears are a natural response to a sudden shift in vibration/frequency, and can be higher or lower) and BOOM, the dimmer switch went up as it lightened the energy pervading me and around me as everything became light and beautiful. Just like that, that fast!
When I say light and beautiful, it is some kind of unexplainable bliss that makes me feel child like. I’m certain this is what the word “enlightened” was supposed to be! This does not mean, that I am healed of that belief of that “word” and enlightened entirely in my whole being about every subject forever more. It does mean I have a fresh start on that word/belief. I can now choose to focus on that word/subject, in a way that fits with the Light.
That was just the beginning of a full conscious awareness of the Journey I call:
The Dimmer Switch.
A few more troubling “words” came up and when I told my daughter, she giggled. I will keep it a mystery, so you can be creative. One was so dreadful to me I vomited/purged in the very moment that I thought it.
“Be en-Lightened about the Interpretation of the Thoughts we think and of the Words we use as they become our Inner voice.”
Many, many other awareness around different topics came about over the next few hours. I was fascinated at how quickly one thought would darken the energy around me and inside of me, making me nauseous and also how quickly I could release the resistance and return to an most incredible state of feeling light, free, surrounded and permeated by beautiful and refreshing energy. Each Journey has offered this experience in some form.
By 12:20AM, four hours later, the support of the plant energy had worn off and I could no longer view and witness the dark/light of the Dimmer switch, though I knew, the reality I was living was happening just like this Journey, all the time. This wasn’t “really” a journey, anymore than my hundred thoughts in the last ten minutes as I write this, it’s a journey.
However, I was back to relying on my facilities of feeling my way, without the body sensations and creative visuals. I’m fortunate, I still have my emotional guidance which works quite well at times. The more I fine tune it and shift without the help the less I’ll use the tool of Ayahuasca. But I will always be ready to use it, to re-enlighten myself as needed. Ayahausca gives me more confidence to take on more challenging, interesting and ever changing life experiences, knowing I have a tool to recover and return to.
In this beautiful, non music guided Journey, I was so pleased to have the added benefit of finally being able to, through my own guidance, confirm beliefs I had chosen long ago but had, in doubt, wavered in and out of over the past years.
Because I could really witness the change of dark to light without the music added, I had more connection and awareness to my personal beliefs, thoughts and emotions. I know that the change in my energy, is the best gage to the truth that will make me the most healthy and joyful.
I love having at tool to confirm and find answers. This simple, yet so profound adding of senses that Ayahausca offers I am SO appreciative for. I am ever appreciative of the videos, the information on the internet and the person who directly brought this into my life.
In a journey, the light does not lie, as you move into it, you feel amazing. You are connected to your source, your spirit, your soul, and at the highest points, the oneness of all that is.
Connected in daily life, takes focus and a willing to change but you will be healthy and well, humorous, vibrant and joyful, and whatever else you want to be, when your energy shifts.
When it is so powerful, so strong, so sure that it dominates your world, the world will change, others will reflect you –instead of you reflecting them.
May Ayahuasca continue to journey me into the light. I am ridiculously appreciative of this opportunity to share with you.
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Ok.. so for those who are interested, here is what happened leading up the the journey (about a reaction with the “green-bitch” ;-).
Eleven days had passed since my last ayahuasca journey and I had built up plenty of apprehension about this journey. I had even bailed on last nights journey, and ate two large fish taco’s instead. I knew there was a problem with my energy as I was starting to forget what it was that had caused me to commit to making Ayahausca journeys a practice for life, and I didn’t feel driven to get to it.
Two days after my last journey I went to Blue Stargate, an outdoor music festival, for a weekend. I had found a massage table on craigslist and set it up under the DJ/Sound Booth Shade, offering massages mainly to people who had worked hard in the past few days setting up the festival. Getting a massage table was a good indicator that my vibe was rising. My Ayahausca journeys were bringing me back into the joy of offering my personal gifts, as I had stopped massaging under the pretense that as an empath, I felt others energy too much and couldn’t keep my own energy balanced.
I went to take a break from massages, with a friend. We sipped on a white, wine spritzer in my camper and nibbled on what turned out to be a very strong ganja cookie. It wasn’t much, so I didn’t expect any effect, which I know this sounds retarded but that is what I wanted, no effect. Yes, so why did I nipple? Because it was a “cookie” ugh d’oh, I love cookies!!!
Well, marijuana was on the problematic list to strictly avoid in combination with Ayahuasca, as many other drugs are, for the two weeks before and after a journey. Because I don’t like to smoke it anyways, I hadn’t included it consciously in my protocols. Plus I was kind of testing all the traditional Dieta rules looking to oust any taboos and if I was I user, I probably would have tested it anyways.
Well, this ended up being a valuable lesson for me and really taught me what I had already suspected and felt about about pot. I had a terrible reaction to it. I became extremely dizzy in 30-40 minutes and had to stay completely in a lying down position. Whenever I opened my eyes, I would grasp as I was falling. The seemingly harmless nibbled on cookie had messed up my equilibrium in a very dark and disturbing way. I could not move for 24 hours without the room spinning, and when the room spun I became nauseous.
The following afternoon, when I finally inched my way back into the festival, my happy vibe was smashed and I felt stoned in horrible way. The next day, I left the festival and went back to my retreat to lick my wounds and recover. It took four days before I felt no affects. I could tell it would be well-enough out of my system to journey in a few more days, however I wasn’t entirely back to my higher-perspective that I felt after the last journey. I never liked pot much, had found it to be a bit of a downer for me most of the time, and now after this experience, I was committed to eliminating it from my life forever more.
Ayahausca is known to be a cure for drug addictions, and now I understand why! Graham Hancock told his story on a Ted Talk, of a dramatic addiction reversal from a 24 year pot habit that had gone beyond just “paranoid” in recent years. He shares what happened after smoking pot after an Ayahausca journey and that might explain why he now refers to it as the Green Bitch.
Fast forward now to yesterday. Most of the music I played was bothering me, and the few videos I watched were more irritating than enjoyable.
I felt troubled and stuck emotions leading up to it. I was even looking for excuses about why I shouldn’t bother with the journey.
At 7:20 PM I took the medicine anyways, remembering how when sick (as I was during my first journey) it was the best time for it’s cure.
I felt emotionally sick though it’s manifestation had only gotten so far as tiredness and lethargy.
The moment after I took it, I still had thoughts like, maybe I’ll throw it up right away and be able to eat dinner instead. Anyways, that’s what happened leading up to it, I had dropped into the abyss.
Additional Note: I read how at an Ayahausca healing center in Peru with years of experience has noticed that when pot is used by only one person, it effects the entire group journey in a very negative way. It’s said to have Darkening and stupefying effects on the Journey. Based on the effects I had I agree with that statement.
May we all continue our Journey into the Light in whatever way most compliments our desires.
Contact the Tree of Life Religious Group, a Church to learn more about about how-to methods and assistance with experiencing a journey into the Soul with the assistance of the Tree of Life at luluverylulu@gmail.com
Messages From Ayahuasca 